are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
