I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
