You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
