am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
