My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
