My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize