Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
