$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize