Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
