i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
