he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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