I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
