coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize