This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
