I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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