he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
