Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
