His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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