how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
