my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
