So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someone shattered a urinal.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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