I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
