i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
