So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
