Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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