Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
