Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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