theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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