I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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