While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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