They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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