i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
