when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
