Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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