So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
