Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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