theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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