I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
