i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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