Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
