if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize