right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
