You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
