I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She bit a glass in half.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize