If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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