he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
