you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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