Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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