I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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