We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
