i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
