Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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