I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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