I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
