Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
