Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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