You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
