I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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