went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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