In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
