I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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