My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
