on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Houston, we have a squirter
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
