I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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