did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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