the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
