So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
