I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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