I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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