I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
