what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
