so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
