You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
