Say something about gay babies.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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