Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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