3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
