i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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